Insulting Our Intelligence

“I was assaulted by five Kiwis”  French Rugby International Mathieu Bastareaud.

In the spirit of the dogged pursuit by the New Zealand constabulary of the French state terrorists who clumsily sank the Rainbow Warrior in 1985 in Opération Satanique,  killing a photographer in the process,  five Wellington detectives spent five days last week exposing the “I was assaulted by five Kiwis” claim of French Rugby International Mathieu Bastareaud.

 Even Inspector Clouseau would have pounced like a panther and quickly realized that Bastareaud’s alleged “assault” was an inside cover up, if not an inside job. There were, after all, three rugby players, including the now disgraced Bastareaud,  and  two women who entered the hotel together early on Sunday morning. Numerical gender equality niceties, expressed in an equal ratio of males and females, has not always been top of the social agenda of rugby players in post-match warmdown mode. (And certainly not for Australian NRL players, who are in quite a different League). 

Perhaps there was a competitive  maul or a melee, with Bastareaud being sent to the blood bin by fellow players. Whatever the real story, in good French culinary tradition he is now being fricasseed in his own juices. French fries with that? 

If the French Rugby union take any action, say, like banning him for ten games, Bastareaud can take heart that, applying the Rainbow Warrior judicial penalty rebate scheme, he will only really be banned from two games-and given a Club Med holiday. 

The French water should be immediately removed from  the lying Bastareaud’s name.

[Diabolical Video:    In the absence of the purported cellphone video coverage footage of the alleged assault, here is some top secret footage of the French DGSE in training and in action in Sacre bleu!   This may not be satanic but it is certainly diabolical and viewer discretion and parental guidance are advised. ]


One Response to Insulting Our Intelligence

  1. lyall1 says:

    I said in the original post, aiming at cryptic crossword lovers, that “the French water should be immediately removed from the lying Bastareaud’s name…”(leaving it spelt the obvious way). French water has literally been removed from him after an apparent suicide attempt in Seine, which is rather sad, and he is undergoing treatment in a psychiatric hospital. It does look as if, as I conjectured, other French rugby players were involved in causing his injuries. If so, the real villains in the piece, apart from those immediately involved, are the team managers who failed to shut down a story which reflected badly on New Zealand. At least the French Prime Minister has just made a public apology, which is more than ever happened during the Rainbow Warrior Tragedy.
    Lyall L.

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